Unfortunately, you're running against some headwinds here. Back in May they made question downvotes free to the downvoter.
Should downvotes on questions be "free"?
And
http://blog.stackoverflow.com/2011/06/se-podcast-06/ (6th bullet point)
I'm totally with you about downvotes being the harsh that ruins a new user's glee. Try to participate, get slapped, never come back again. 1, 2, 3. Admonitions to "Read the FAQ first!" only go so far.
It's a balance. Some people would rather deal with mocking snark in comments than see that big gray -1 next to their question. Others really would rather deal with some anonymous 'thumbs down' than have their judgment called into question. We've done it both ways here on ServerFault. We try to keep the snark down, but in the face of questions our active users consider to be ill-fitting or actively ignorant the snark-wagon comes a rolling along more often than I personally would like.
One comment I see a LOT from new users is something to the effect of:
EDIT:
Downvoters, tell me why you are downvoting! How can I fix what I don't know is broke?
And THAT criticism is perfectly valid. We do need more of that.
Unfortunately, if the question already has a comment on it asking for clarifying information or pointing out ambiguities in the question and the asker posts something like the above, it does tend to turn into open season on the newb. Especially if the comment itself is upvoted a time or three.
